Dang You, T9

I don't have a smart phone - still.  This means my phone texts are with the T9, or predictive text, option turned on.  If a set of numbers spells more than one word, my phone picks one unless I specify otherwise.  For instance, the words ME and OF use the same keys.  If I don't proofread, I might send a message saying something like, "Will you email of the notes from class today."  I've learned to proofread all my texts carefully.  I usually discover these fun little word swaps on accident, mostly by texting someone and them responding with a "HUH???"

Just a few examples:
ME/OF
IF/HE
EAT/FAT
HOME/GOOD/GONE
MOVIES/MOTHER
SPICY/PSHAW (pshaw?  Really, T9???)
ANOTHER/COOTIES (Yep, and somehow the default is 'cooties'.) 

Now, there is a fantastic hike in Georgia, one of my favorites, called Panther's Creek.  I told a friend about it and he was very interested in going.  We decided on a weekend and I went to text him the details of the hike.  I bet you didn't know this, and I obviously didn't, but the word 'panther' uses the same keys on my phone as 'panties'.  Oh yeah, you see where this is going.

Me: okay, hiking this weekend, panties creek
He: Panties Creek, huh.  Sounds like there will be hiking one way or another: either we hike it, or it hikes us...

Thank you, T9, for cooties embarrassing text.

A Tale of Last Year

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. 

I haven't blogged for over a year.  So much has happened.  Some were the best of things and some were the worst.  Something funny would happen followed by something sad and I never quite knew how to start this blog up again.

So, I just going to start.  No promises on how many times I will write and no telling if it will just be the funny side of life.  It will be, as the name suggests, my thoughts.  I've got a lotta catching up to do. 

~Charlotta

Being Smart Smarts

I have spent this past week looking for a summer job.  I finally broke down and went to a temp agency.  As part of the application process, I had to write a paragraph about my most recent experience with technology using 100 words or less.  I decided I would write about my new purchase of a smart phone even though I decided to return it as I balanced my finances.  I wrote something like this:

I recently bought a smart phone.  What makes a smart phone smart?  I was able to track expenses, email, listen to music, and flip through hundreds of photos with just the swipe of a finger.  My connection to the world literally fit in my back pocket.  The only dumb part was my timing.  I purchased the phone after my job with the University ended.  As I reviewed my finances, I realized I had to return the phone.  How has my week without my smart phone gone?  It really smarts.

I was particularly pleased with my usage of the verb 'smarts' at the end.  I felt it really tied the paragraph together.  The agent reviewed my writing sample and called me to her desk. 

"Charlotta, let's review your last sentence.  I think you meant to say 'It was really smart'."
"No.  I was actually going for a play on words.  See, the word 'smarts' actually means to sting or to hurt."
"So, it should read 'It was smart'?"
"No.  'It smarts.'  You know, 'it hurts, it stings'."
"Oh.  Do you want to change it to 'It hurts'?"
"No.  Does it not make sense that I'm making a play on words?"
"I just think you need a verb.  'It is smart'."
"Okay, let's change it."

We changed it to "Taking it back was smart."

I find it funny that I was made to feel dumb over the word smart. 

And that, my friends, really smarts. 

I Had A Dream

Friday started like any other normal day.

I attended class, drove home, met up with Mama Mia, and we left town for the evening.  My right eye was a little itchy.

Around 9:30pm both of my eyes were itching like crazy.  I leaned over to Mama Mia and asked her how my eyes looked.  She responded, "You look awful.  Both your eyes are swollen and pink.  Just smile.  It will make your eyes smaller."

Awesome.  So I look like a freak.  A smiling freak.  A smiling freak with itchy eyes.  What is wrong with me?

We arrived back in Athens a little after 1am.  I opted to not drive home since my eyes looked like pink marsh mellows attached to my face.  I hoped my eyes would magically be okay in the morning.  I certainly didn't have time for an eye infection.

I went to bed in the guest room.  ...I dreamed about a wedding.  I was one of the bridesmaids.  A makeup artist was doing the eye makeup for others in the wedding party.  Their eyes looked lovely.  And I was next in line!  I sat in the chair and closed my eyes.  She brushed color after color onto my eyelids.  The effect must have been gorgeous.  I could hear the others around me ohhhing and ahhhing over my eye makeup.  They were commenting about the beautiful shimmer and shine on my eyelids.  I could feel her brush gently stroking powder on my lids.  The brush was so soft.  I couldn't wait to see the results.  I decided to peek.  I wanted to see how it looked.  I waited until the brush stroke stopped, but my eyes hesitated.  I wanted to see what she was doing but my eye muscles would not respond.  OPEN!  Eyes, open!!  I just wanted to see.  My eyes, I couldn't open them!  Just open!  I started to panic.  Eyes, open now!  Nothing.  Just darkness!  1, 2, 3 open!  Why.Can't.I.Open.My.Eyes?!...

And then I woke up.  A crusty layer of eye goop had sealed both eyes shut.  I stumbled to the bathroom and washed my eyes.  When I finally could open them, I saw sleep had not helped them.  Both were completely pink and so puffy that I could just see through a slit.  A call to our doctor confirmed I had conjunctivitis - pink eye - in both eyes.

I picked up the medicated eye drops prescribed to me and drove home.  Julia Gulia happened to text me later and ask how I was doing.  I snapped a picture on my phone of my swollen eyelids as a response.  I laughed at her return text, "Well, you can put on more eye shadow this way."

Perhaps.  If only I'd been able to watch the makeup artist in my dream...

Top Ten Posts from 2010

Morning, fellow bloggers. I thought I'd copy a few blogs and list some of my favorite memories from 2010. It was a good year, wasn't it?

Going just from memory, I'd say one of my favorite posts was about the trip I took to Texas in August to visit my bestest friend, Elke, and to welcome the birth of her second child. That was such a ...What?

You say I didn't blog about that? Of course I did. I mean, Elke and I have known each other for years! Despite being states apart, we are still the best of friends. That week was one of the highlights of our friendship. Surely I blogged about it; let me check my archives, back in a minute.

...

So it seems I did NOT blog about that. Wow. I can't believe I didn't share that experience with you. That's a bit of a surprise to me.

Well, I'll continue to a different favorite memory from last year. Remember when my car, you know the one with electric tape over the 'fix engine' light, just died? And how I got that new car that was a stick shift? Except I didn't know how to drive stick shift? And remember when two friends went with me to help me learn how to drive and I yelled at them, middle names and all? Oh, man, that was intense; well, funny, now that it's over.

(leans in closer) What did you say? I didn't blog about that, either? Really?! I don't believe this. I could have sworn I did...

Alright, moving on. I know I blogged about that crazy Mud Run I did in September. Remember?! It's the race with just a bunch of mud? I had to have blogged about that. Maybe a picture will help jog your memory. We looked like this at the end, remember now?

No?! 

Okay, this is ridiculous. Tell me, do you remember the post about the snake on my front porch? My new glasses? My assistantship with the University of Georgia? My trip to Walt Disney World that coincided with the Stars Wars Convention held there? Johnny Cherie, my baby sister, graduating from High School (gulp)? Me shooting guns?

You don't remember any of those? I don't understand. I used to blog all the time. Surely, surely I blogged about one of those.

What's that you say? I haven't blogged since APRIL?! That's just absurd. That can't be the case.

...Oh, well, this is embarrassing. Turns out you were right. My account shows I only blogged three times this past year. Well, um, goodness. Looks like I'm behind on some blogging. 

I'll make you a deal: If you promise not to mention the fact that I'm a blog slacker to anyone, I'll at least double my posts from last year. Heh.

Happy New Year!