Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Hindsight is $20 $20

I wanted glasses when I was younger. So badly, in fact, that I popped out the tinted lenses from a pair of sunglasses and wore just the frames.

Everywhere. To school, to the grocery store, around the house, while playing outside...

I remember riding my bicycle in the street one day while wearing my glasses. The neighbors were remodeling their home and a construction crew was busy at work. I rode up then down the street; up and back again. I'm not sure if I hit a small rock or shifted my balance but one moment I was riding high and the next found me on the asphalt next to my fallen bike. I laid there for what seemed like only a second before a construction member rushed to my side to help me. He picked up my bike and I dusted my knees. He then retrieved my blue frames and handed them to me.

I was humiliated.

He knew! He knew my adorable, cute frames were fake! Never mind that I'd just crashed my bike in front of him, he knew my glasses were plastic, empty frames.

I went in the house and waited until they left before I rode my bike again.

Little did I know that I would actually need glasses in 8th grade.

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I wanted braces when I was younger. So badly, in fact, that I carefully unbent a paper clip until it resembled my top row of teeth. I crumbled small bits of aluminum foil around the paper clip to form makeshift brackets. I connected the paperclip and brackets to my teeth with a rubber band. It was a nuisance to keep in my mouth (I laugh now at how dedicated I was to this endeavor) but I would put it in my mouth each afternoon as soon as I got home from school.
Little did I know that I would actually need braces during high school.
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I wish I'd recognized the trend when I was little.
* Wear fake glasses, get real glasses
* Wear fake braces, get real braces
I sure wish I'd carried around a pocketful of Monopoly money.

14 comments:

Jason and Adrienne said...

I could totally see you doing this. :-)

By the way, it's 20-20 (referring to eyesight) rather than $20 $20.

Charlotta-love said...

...except if I'd had lots of monopoly money, it would be $20s. see? eh, eh?

Melissa said...

Oh my gosh, you are so funny. This makes me think of the fake glasses you wore in college, I think I wore them a few times as well. I wonder, do the beads you used to hang in the door of our bedroom a sign that you will one day lead the life of a disco dancing diva? Don't say you already are...

Coordination Queen said...

Thank you for the laugh! I can't believe you put aluminum foil on your teeth... of your own free will. That just makes me cringe.

Allison Murray said...

wow, that is a lot of work to go to to have braces and glasses. i'm going to start carrying around monopoly money now...just in case!

Charlotta-love said...

Melissa: I'd forgotten about those. The ridiculous bit is that I wore my contacts and THEN the glasses. Just call me 6 eyes. Sheesh.

Queen: I never bit the aluminum foil. ...okay, you're right, it was still ridiculous.

Allison: me too!

KJae said...

In 2nd grade I pretended to have contact lenses. It probably wouldn't have been that big of a deal, during class time, IF I hadn't used an ice chip. NEVER try that at home kids!!

Kelly
(Doug G's friend from Utah)

Jared and Katy said...

You and me both!

Michelle Johnson said...

Uplifting post to my otherwise dreadful day. Thanks for making me laugh.

I got glasses in '93, I think, and I got braces in 1983- 84. I took to both quite well. Have a great night.

Bone said...

I wanted braces when I was younger, too. I never went to those lengths, but I always thought they looked cool.

Shankar said...

Australian notes look like Monopoly money anyway.

Kirie said...

Uh...this post is hilarious because I did the EXACT same thing...except I went as far as pretending I couldn't read the chalkboard so my mom had to take me to the eye doctor just to find out I had 20/20 vision. Well, that was until 9th grade and its been downhill ever since. Same with the braces...except I wore mine during school. Then I needed braces, got them...and I'm pretty sure I need them again because guess who didn't wear their retainer? Haha.

Jamie said...

My daughters are wearing fake glasses right now too, because they neighbor girl has some real ones and my kids think they are cool. It is dang funny to watch them run around in glasses that have no lenses. Just think of all the free amusement that you provided to your parents!

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