Friday, March 30, 2007

Truth be Told: Round 2

There is a game called True Colors. It's a dangerous game in that you learn what people really think about you. I suppose this blog is my version of True Colors because I learned that some of you think I'm a hoochie! I did NOT make out with a boyfriend at the BYU Creamery while I was employed. Or when I wasn't employed. If I had the whole BYU experience to do over again, that would be one thing to change. Sadly enough, I never even made-out on BYU campus while I was a student. Key word: while.

Oh uh, mama mia, you still reading? Moving on then.

I did meet Steve Young at a club downtown my freshman year. I had gone with some buddies to hear a band. The venue was split into two parts. One half was stage area for the band and the other was a small bar/cafe. Our group walked in through the cafe portion first and passed Steve. One of the guys was thrilled and took a moment to introduce himself and each of us to Steve. Later on in the evening, I looked over to see what Stevie was up to. He was sitting alone at a table drinking Sprite (probably) and looking around. At women.

I did train at McDonalds for one day and then turned in my uniform. My sophomore year of college I discovered I needed to put income into my bank account instead of just withdrawing against it. I needed a job. One of the guys in the complex was a manager at McDonalds. He told me to come by and I would get a job. I was desperate so I applied and hired on with the morning shift. I went in for my first day of training and was appalled. The food prep area was greasy, the cash register was greasy, the freezer door was greasy, my future coworker's hair was greasy, her face was greasy, and I was grossed out. Plus, although I was issued the longest pair of faded black uniform pants available, the pants were still several inches too short. I could sense greasy nerdiness crawling into my skin. I couldn't handle it. I turned in my uniform and called it a day.

I do not know how to whistle. Now I can breathe with a high pitched hum so it sounds like a soft whistle but that doesn't really count. And the fingers in the mouth...still can't figure that one out.

I did break my arm by falling off a booster chair. Did I mention I was in 8th grade? Booster chair...8th grade...what?! A story like this has to involve a guy. I had a crush on someone. He happened to be tall, dashing, funny, older, and gorgeous. I could stare at him all 6th period. In fact, I did stare at him. So did the rest of the class. He was our history teacher. (insert your "um GROSS!" here) I went home that first day of school and tried to imitate his height by standing on Shelly-Belly's booster chair. As I stepped down, I slipped and broke my arm. The next day at school, everyone wanted to know what had happened. Without thinking I told people I had fallen off a booster chair. If teasing isn't already ridiculous in 8th grade, tell someone you fell off a booster chair and the tauntings reach a whole new level. At the end of the year, I asked Mr. TallDark&Handsome if he had purchased a year book. I planned to reveal all my feelings from the past year and the truth about my arm. I am soooooo lucky he didn't buy a yearbook otherwise you would be reading a blog about my most embarrassing moment in 8th grade instead.

And I did audition to be a model my sophomore year of college. It wasn't the type for a magazine but simply models for BYU's fashion department. The students needed live models to present their final projects. Now that I look back, it was a huge ordeal for 10 seconds. We had to arrive to the audition an hour early. We broke into our assigned groups and took several practice runs down the catwalk. Really, it was a lecture room with a large "T" marked by masking tape. We took turns walking, pausing, turning, smiling, pausing, and walking back. When the actual moment to strut my stuff came, I was smiling big. This was in an attempt to hide silent laughter exploding inside. Am I really here? Do I want to be a model? This is bizarre. I wasn't selected. Part of me was disappointed but most of me was relieved. I wasn't good at walking in heels without looking at the ground.

Plus...I really don't have what you would call a badonkadonk.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

How well do you know me: Round 2

I had so much fun with the last How well do you know me that I decided to bring it back. So, here is Round 2 in no particular order. 5 are true and 1 is false. Which one is the lie?

* I met Steve Young at a club downtown in Provo, Utah.
* I made out with a guy in the BYU Creamery while I worked there.
* I trained at McDonalds for one day then turned in my uniform.
* I do not know how to whistle.
* I broke my arm falling off a booster chair.
* I auditioned to be a model.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Just say when

I'm not sure when it started - an innocent game of Slug Bug while driving on vacation, a magazine advertisement, a parade - it could have been any of the above. I do know that I have a strange liking to miniature Volks Wagon Beetles. Some might call it an obsession but I prefer to say it's a extreme hobby.

Here is my first bug ever. I was browsing through an antique shop one day in Paris and picked it up. Ah, I never tire of telling people I was in Paris. I was. Paris Texas. Anyway, if you flip it over, you can see it was probably an assigment for some art class. It's inscribed "Sewell '78". Sewell, you don't know what you started.

My bestest-friend Elke gave me another yellow bug for my senior graduation. Add this to the two I already had and I was off to a small collection.
Then in college some roommates found out about the collection and surprised me at Christmas with new additions.

Coworkers also added to the collection.

Even friends from church contributed.

And a boyfriend at the time.

Is there a line between a collection and an obsession?

I think I might be close.

Or perhaps already crossed it.

Somebody, anybody say when.


Friday, March 23, 2007

My poor (future) children

I found a list of names I like for my future children. The list includes serious entries such as Chandler, Hunter, Ally, Darby, Chloe and Carter but then digresses to my "Nature Names".

For the boys:

For the girls:

As you see, my future children need a good father. One who will not grant me full naming privileges. Of course, my children are doomed if I marry someone like my coworker. His last name is "Day" and he is thinking of naming his children "Sonny", "Avery", or "Bid"...for you French speakers.

I just had another thought as I looked at that list. 11 names?! What am I thinking?

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

I have a car again. I haven't had one since last Monday. 8 days! I somehow made it through 5 years of college, that's right - I took the scenic route through 3 different majors before committing, without a car but this past week-and-a-day has been very difficult to manage.

A while back, and by "back" I'm talking the year 2006 still, my car started to shift really hard. I hoped it was just a phase my car was going through. Maybe she'd grow out of it. But then in February I realized this obviously was not something I could fix on my own by turning up the radio.
You know you've done that too and hoped it would work... I took my car into Honda for a "used-car inspection" and they were done in a mere 90 minutes. Honda thinks you are test-driving a vehicle to buy so they tell you what repairs to expect if you do decide to purchase. I knew I was in for it when the guy lowered his head, grimaced, and took a long, audible breath.

"You looking to buy this car?"
Actually it's mine but I'm thinking of selling.
"Well, I was going to tell you not to buy it. The transmission's slipping. You noticed the hard shifting?"
Yes...*ahem* just recently though.
"Yeah, it's bad. Oh yeah. And that'll be $90."

A second opinion confirmed the sad state of my transmission. I got three different quotes and went with the lowest. I dropped my car off last Monday morning and was told it would be 3 days at the latest. So Wednesday I call.

"Thank you for calling Wernham Hogg.
This is Amy. May I help you?"
Uh yeah, I was checking on the status of my car. It should be done today.
"Warren is out right now working on some cars but I'll have him call you a.s.a.p."

No call.

"Thank you for calling Wernham Hogg.
This is Amy. May I help you?"
Yes, I called yesterday about my car. Do you know the status?
"Ma'am, let me get your number and I'll have Warren call you when he gets a chance."

No call. My dad and I dropped by to see if I could pick it up. Warren was surprised to see me walk in and told me he was waiting for a part. He might finish on Friday but would be done Monday at the latest.

"Thank you for calling Wernham Hogg.
This is Amy. May I help you?"
Yeah, um, I was wondering if I was going to get my car today. Warren said it might be done.
"Ma'am, Warren is out on a test run but let me get your number again and I'll have him call you."

No call.

Monday it was a guy who answered. "Wernham Hogg. Can I help you?"
I'm trying to find out when my car will be done.
Everyone is at lunch but I'll have Warren call you.

Warren called to say it would be Tuesday.

Yesterday Warren called to tell me my car was finished and I could pick it up. I read the warranty, signed my life savings over, and got my key. As I was getting into my car, Warren walked over and casually asked, "Do you know anyone who's looking for a job?"
Uh, probably. Why?
Well, don't know if you noticed or not but I haven't been getting my messages, and, well, I'm looking for a new secretary.

Hmm, actually I did notice you never called me. And your 3 days turned into 8. And you spelled my name Charlott. *sigh

Monday, March 19, 2007

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!

We have many nicknames in my family. It just sort of happened. One day I was Charlotte and the next day I was Charika. I don't really know why but I know that's my name. I have a sister whose given name is Janette Cherie but the last time I actually called her Janette, well, I don't remember. She is Johnny-Cherie to me. Here's how that nickname came about.

When I was younger, The Dean Inc and I watched a movie about Johnny Appleseed. We thought it was the dumbest movie ever. I don't know why we sat through it. Probably because we didn't get much tv time so watching stupid tv was better than no tv at all. It was so silly, we felt dumber for having sat through it. We complained for about two days on how stupid the movie was before realizing there were many other pressing things to worry about. You know, things like running out of water to make mud pies, Barbie not wanting to marry GI JOE because all he did all day was go to war, and the big blanket used for making the roof in our couch house being in the washing machine. You see, we had some pretty stressful situations to remedy. Our way of solving these problems involved various name-calling episodes. I'm sure you experienced something similar growing up. Most of the name-calling was pretty standard and memorized - until one day...

Quit! You're a stupid-head!
Oh yeah, well you're a dumb-face!
Whatever! You're Johnny Appleseed!

We found out the penalty for calling a sibling Johnny Appleseed was time-out in your bedroom, doing a nice deed for the offended, and a public apology in front of the family. "Sorry I called you Johnny Appleseed." And sometimes we even had to hug. Gross! The Dean Inc and I knew we couldn't use that name anymore. We had to think of something new. The punishment was too steep otherwise and besides, I couldn't handle many more hugs. This is where Janette got involved. She was just a baby at the time. The Dean Inc and I loved her. She was just so cute! How could she ever do anything wrong? Or how could we ever do anything mean to her? We were the first to stand up for our little girl. Well, kind of.

It came time for another argument. Remembering the icky hug session from the last name calling session, and not wanting to hug ever again, we approached it with a little more thought.

You're an ugly-face.
No. You just wish you were me.
Pfft - I'm glad I'm not stupid like you.
You're so stupid you would probably call Janette "Johnny Appleseed!"
Hey! I know her name. Don't say that about her. You can call ME Johnny but not her.
Okay, then you are Johnny Appleseed.
No, I'm not. Janette is but you called her that.
No I didn't...she's not stupid like Johnny Appleseed.
She can't even talk!
But she's not stupid like you.
Well I'll call her Johnny but it's your fault.
Nu..uh! MOM!

After another disgusting hug, The Dean Inc and I went to war. Me against him. And Janette as our weapon. Who could call her Johnny the most before the other got mad? Who could call her Johnny in front of the family without the parentals catching on or getting upset? I don't know who won. The nickname stuck. From then on, Janette has been Johnny to me. The cool thing about Johnny is, she doesn't care that her nickname is the result of an awful, stupid movie The Dean Inc and I sat through. She just goes along with the flow.

Last year she cut her hair real short. I continued calling her Johnny without too much thought until people starting assuming she was my little brother. Comments like, "Oh, you must be Charika's little brother." or "I didn't realize you had two little brothers at home." started to bother me. "Uh, no. This is my sister Johnny - well Janette - but we call her Johnny." So now, to keep things easier, I just tacked on her middle name and I call her Johnny Cherie.

Johnny Cherie...I love ya!

Friday, March 16, 2007

Truth be Told

I have never been engaged. Or close to getting engaged. Of course, since I'm a girl, I've been ring shopping, wedding dress shopping, and practiced signing my "married" name with whatever crush I had at the time, but I've never been engaged. Which means...

I did meet and shake hands with Ross Perot. Years ago I was eating at Super Salad in Dallas with Mama Mia and the siblings. There was a little commotion at the register where a man was explaining how he'd been overcharged. When he turned to head back to his table, Mama Mia realized it was Ross Perot. She loudly called his name and asked him to come to the table. She introduced each of us and then mentioned I would head back to BYU in the fall. If there's one thing I remember about Ross Perot, it's that he's a fast talker!
"OhBYU. YesThat'sANiceSchool. Yes,yes,that'sANiceSchool. RealPurtyCampusThey'veGot. RealPurty. AndNicePeopleToo. WellNiceToMeetYou."

I did play sax for the jazz band my senior year. Our band trip that year was a l.o..o...o....n.....g drive to Branson Missouri. My jazz band opened for Barbara Fairchild. Never heard of her? Yeah, me neither. The top jazz band opened for Wayne Newton. You might have heard of him. He's in Vegas now.

I can't touch raw meat. Well, okay. Let me rephrase that. I seriously gag when I touch raw meat. But I eat meat which means it has to be raw at some point and cooking involves touching. So, little secret: I wear gloves. That's right. Plastic-food-handlers-permit type gloves. When a girl needs meat, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!

I did sprain both ankles at the same time. Ouch. Sad, sad day. My sophomore year of college a few of us went to a rope swing in town. I'm not good at math so see if you can figure out this equation:
Tall Tree + Rope that touches ground + tall, gangly girl holding bottom of rope = lots of pain.

I did have my first and only hangover when I was 18. I went to a birthday party for my bestest- friend-Elke. There was lots of alcohol at the party but she kindly informed her friends that she and I didn't drink. I had my solo cup full of Sprite and someone else had their solo cup full of concoction. I innocently picked up the wrong drink and guzzled the whole cup to quench my thirst. The taste was awful. The only thing worse than the fiery burn down my throat was that I couldn't get the room to stop spinning. Then I drove home! Miraculously I made it. The next day I felt horrible. My stomach hurt and my head felt unproportionately huge to my little neck. I could hardly hold it up. I told Mama Mia what had happened and she started laughing. She yelled into the other room, "P2! Com'ere! Charlottalove is getting over her first and only hangover."
Mama Mia...You're hurts...stop laughing at me...

And now you know. It's a good thing I wasn't cooking chicken when I met Ross Perot. No one wants to shake hands with a plastic, slimy glove. Gag

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

How well do you know me?

Mom. Dad. I have a serious question to ask you.
Okay. What is it?
What's something weird about me?

You should never start a conversation off like that. It was for today's post though. ...really... Below are 6 statements. Five are truths and one is a lie. How well do you know me? Can you figure out which one is false? Can you handle the truth?

* I shook hands with 1996 Presidential Candidate Ross Perot.
* I can not touch raw meat.
* I used to play sax for a band that performed in Branson Missouri.
* I was engaged for 3 weeks once before calling it off.
* I sprained both ankles at the same time.
* I had my first and only hangover when I was 18.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Swim-Cas Sunday

Here's a blog and some background info on two of my friends: Hitoshi and John.

Hitoshi happens to be my favorite Japanese person in the whole wide world. Interestingly enough, he earned that nickname about a minute after he said I was the prettiest of all the females in my family. Just a coincidence really... John's initials are JF. One day I slipped up and called him JFK. Since then, that's his name. I met both of these guys at church. Awhile back, JFK called to see if I could join him and My-Favorite-Japanese-Person-Ever for a night out. I agreed and asked what to wear. My-Favorite-Japanese-Person-Ever quickly said, "Your bathing suit." Since then, a personal joke was born and the topic of bathing suits comes up frequently.

Now, today's story starts on Saturday. JFK called me during a GRE study session to see if I wanted to come to a BBQ dinner at a mutual friend's home. Although I wasn't able to join them, we talked for a bit about life and how we were doing. After I was put on speaker phone, I mentioned I hadn't seen JFK or My-Favorite-Japanese-Person-Ever at church lately. They each had their excuse and then I spoke without thinking.

"I'll wear my bathing suit under my dress if you come to church this Sunday."
"Are you serious?"
"Why don't you come and find out."

My-Favorite-Japanese-Person-Ever can tell you I'm a woman of my word. I was at church - tankini and all.

In other news, I think I understand what a girdle feels like.

Friday, March 9, 2007

Death was Right Before My Eyes

The other day I was stuck behind a hearse on the way back from lunch. I got to thinking, which is always a mistake, but what type of music do you suppose you listen to while driving a hearse?

Grateful Dead? Death Cab for Cutie? Hopefully not The Killers. And I suppose it's too late for The Cure.

What would you listen to?

(Congrats to Bec for the funniest caption. They were all great though! Thanks Chrissy, Zach Morris, and Zach's mom for playing.)

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Laughter: Does a body good

Somewhere someone once said Laughing is good for you. Someone else once said An apple a day keeps the doctor away. So in an effort to be super-duper-healthy, I ask that you sit back with an apple and laugh at a few of the conversations I've been in lately.

I gave up lying for Lent.
But…you're not Catholic.
No one needs to know that.

If you do do that…
* Mpfh * …you just said "do do"
Are we 8th graders? Seriously…
Well, you have always brought out the 8th grader in me.

"Charlotte, then I...WAIT! You aren't going to blog this are you?!"

"I love those "ah-ha" moments. They don't happen very often though."

"We are SO not as good of friends as we were 2 minutes ago!"

"And I listened to his advice…which was correct I guess because I'm still alive."

"I've been busier than a one legged cowboy in a butt-kicking contest."

Which one is your favorite?

Monday, March 5, 2007


It's time for a "Caption-that-picture" contest here at Charlottalove.

What do you get when you cross a big sister, a (skinny) little brother, and tape? You tell me! I'm looking for a caption to fit this picture. The contest runs until 4pm EST Friday and I'll announce the winner next Monday. By then, I'll have a giftcard to send to the lucky winner. Actually, you can choose: a giftcard, the original picture, or the opportunity to do my taxes. In any case, "stick" em to me!

Friday, March 2, 2007 really DOES work

Earlier this week, Pioneer Woman, who happens to write some of my favorite blogs, gave a few tutorials on PhotoShop and the wonders it does on her photographs. I was curious so I took a family snapshot from December 2005 to see what I could do with the photo. In a minute you will see the true wonders of this incredible program. Let's start with the finished product.

Since I've never taken the opportunity on my blog, I'll introduce you to everyone. TheDeanInc is on the end. He is 25, about to graduate from BYU, and is a whiz at marketing...and Photoshop. He might have helped with my Wonder Woman picture. Mama Mia is looking all sophisticated in her black dress. She's definitely one of the cooler people I know. Then there's me. I just had a birthday and turned 28. To read more about me, go to my blog...oh wait, you're already here. Moving along then. Shelly Belly is 19 and lives in Texas. She might not be as tall as me but she can bench press WAY more than me. In fact, she can bench press more than just the bar. Pret-ty impressive I tell ya. Julia Gulia comes next. She's the one who I dated her boyfriend. She is 21 and comes back to Georgia in 36 days! (Not that anyone is counting.) Then there is Little Boy Blue in the front. He just turned 9 and is perhaps the cheapest version of birth control out there. You want him for a weekend? At the end is Johnny-Cherie and P2. Johnny donated all her hair to Locks of Love last year so this picture is pre-shaving. Then there's P2-my dad, not P Square the rappers. Some people really get those two confused.

Now that you've met the fam, let’s have a look see at the BEFORE shot. It's amazing what Photoshop can do!