Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Milk: It Does A Body Good

A couple at church got engaged the week before Christmas.
Julia-Gulia got engaged Christmas Eve.
A co-worker got engaged Christmas Day.
Another friend got engaged two weeks ago.
Is there something in the water?!?
I'll have a glass of milk, please.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Home for the Holidays

Whether home is a house,

a high rise apartment building,
a house with lots of land,
a house with lots of water,

or a house on wheels,

May you have a very merry (and sweet) Christmas!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

A Christmas Poem

Twas the week before Christmas;
Lists ran through my head,
Of tasks not yet finished.
My heart filled with dread.

There were stockings to stuff,
And presents to buy,
Cookies to bake,
And ribbons to tie.

Parties yet to attend,
Christmas cards not addressed,
Everything must be perfect;
I was rather obsessed.

When what to my open inbox did appear?
Yet another email wishing me holiday cheer.

Bah Humbug! I'm busy!
No time for your fun.
Contact me next week,
By then I'll be done.

My time is all scheduled.
I've no time to stop.
I must stay focused,
Or all plans will flop.

No phone calls,
No emails,
No letters,
No eating.

No carols,
No blogging,
No Facebook,
No reading.

To the store, then home, and back to the mall.
Dash this way, dash that way, dash away all.

The store clerk said 'Thank you'
And gave me a smile.
I began to feel...festive.
Boy, that took awhile!

Christmas was coming
And I'd nearly missed it!
I'd been too busy rushing
To stop and enjoy it.

The family and friends
With which I'd been blessed,
Had true Christmas spirit
While I sat and stressed.

I had fresh perspective;
A new Christmas goal:
I'd be friendly and nice -
Earn no stocking coal.

It's people like you
That I hold so dear.
You're a present to me
As Christmas comes near.

So to all of my friends,
In cyber space or near,
Merry Christmas to all,
And a Happy New Year!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

That Bites

While I was in New York, I spent several hours at the Museum of Natural History. I was there for at least five hours and I didn't even see everything. Be glad that my camera batteries died halfway through or this blog would just be one picture after another of documented history. That place was amazing. The reptile and snake room was very enjoyable.
In fact, I learned how to get bitten by a snake.
What!? Don't you want to know this kind of stuff?

It's very handy information.
Because it's with your hand.
Get it?

Why would they make a display case with detailed models and instructions if they didn't want you to get bitten?

New York is friendly like that.

I mean, look, they even tell you how to lie after the snake bite. How informative is that?!

Speaking of bites...

I looked everywhere for this exhibit.

Anyone know how to get bitten by a vampire?

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Weighty Issues

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I love that we set aside a day to truly reflect on our blessings...while eating a delicious meal.
Gratitude and food - can't go wrong with those two ingredients!
This year I was lucky enough to spend my holiday with a former roommate who now lives in New York. I spent my week in Manhattan visiting all the tourist spots. In addition to a fantastic Thanksgiving dinner, I tried lots of pastries from various bakeries.
Lots of pastries.
I really like New York pastries.
Perhaps a little too much.
On Friday, I visited the Museum of Natural History. One floor had scales that calibrated a person's weight as if they were on galactic stars or planets. On Halley's Comet I don't even weigh a pound.
0.193?! Bring me a black and white cookie! I need to eat, eat, eat!
0.043??? I'm losing, not gaining! MORE FOOD! Give me a Chinese cookie!
Extra chocolate in the middle!
58 pounds - okay, that's a little better. I still need sugar though.
Bring me a tri-colored bar.
3626?! GACK! Too much, too much! Suddenly I need to undo my belt.
2.13?! I'm back to wasting away...
hey, wait a second...
I just fainted. All 2.13 trillion pounds of me just hit the floor.
Excuse me while I go cry.
And start a diet.
Is there such a thing as a pastry diet? I really think I'd be successful at that one.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Are Your Eyes Watering or Is It Just Me?

I'm still amazed that people can't spell my name.

I was downtown running some errands one day and decided to get a bite to eat. I placed my order and gave my name to the cashier.

I sat and waited. Looked around at the other customers. Watched some television.

And heard my name butchered over the intercom.

“Sure-la? Cher? Shauna?”

I turned and clarified, “Charlotte?”

“Oh, yeah. That’s what this says.”

I got my food and looked at the receipt.


As in the onion?

Hi. My name is Shalot. Don't come too close. I'll make you cry.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Election Payne

I was driving through a neighborhood and stumbled upon a house with not only an Obama sign but also a McCain banner as well.  I'm happy that they each are voting for who they think will do best, but I think this couple is about to begin a 4 year-long "I told you so..." debate.  

They each are taking a stance, and that's what's important.  In the words of T.I., it's America - you can vote however you like.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Don't Make Me Laugh

I enjoyed a weekend getaway to Six Flags with the family and some friends. Three of us - Julia-Gulia, her friend, and I - decided to ride the Devil Dive.

Oh. My. Goodness.
No visit to Six Flags should be considered complete without this ride. In one word, it was awesome.
Unfortunately, it was also hilarious. Typically I like laughing. Typically I'm standing or sitting on the ground while I'm laughing. Typically I don't struggle with bladder control.

Ew! No I did not wet my pants.
All I'm saying is this: when you are strapped to a body suit, which is dangling from a large structure, it's no time for a sister to scream at full capacity - because I'll quiet her long enough to ask, "Do you really want to do this?" and she'll answer, "I have to now! We're up in the air already. It's like being pregnant... I have to have the baby* whether I want to or not. Let's have the baby!" which I'll start laughing uncontrollably.

And uncontrollable laughter at 125 feet in the air is not advisable. It's impossible to take a break to the Ladies Room. This ride isn't for the light minded or silly. In fact, the next time I go, I'm bringing my boring friends.

ps. no body suits were soiled in the making of this post.
*Julia Gulia is not pregnant. It was only an analogy.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Which Witch?

It’s October.
That means Halloween.
And Halloween decorations.
Someone around here loves Halloween decorations. In particular, witches. Can you guess who?
Me? Well, no. Pumpkins are more my thing.
Little Boy Blue? No. Not him.
P2? No. Here’s a clue, SHE really likes witches.
Johnny Cherie? Nope.
Julia Gulia? Witches really aren’t her thing either.
Shelly Belly? Nah, not so much.
You get one more guess and if you get it wrong, MAMA MIA (hint, hint) is going to summon her ‘friends’ to put a hex on you.
You guessed Mama Mia! Yes. And just in time I might add…
A main ingredient for her potion includes the boot from a witch. She was halfway there!Lucky you!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Adieu, I Do

I think there was something in the water this summer. Every weekend, it seemed, was some one's wedding, engagement, bridal shower, or rehearsal dinner. No matter which direction I looked, it was wedding, wedding, wedding.

Speaking of weddings, I received a proposal.

Yes, the marriage kind!

When am I getting married? Well, there's a few complications.

Complications? For starters, I need to know his name.

No, I don't know his name. It happened so quickly.

No! I didn't meet him on some random dating website. Just listen...

Look, do you want to hear the story or not?

Okay then. So a few years ago my sister, Johnny Cherie, gave me a paper weight for my birthday. It looks just like a solitaire engagement ring. I took it to work and it proved to be a great conversation starter. One weekend, one of the office suites next to us had an attempted robbery. The county sent over two police men to check for damage. Since our office shares a back hallway with our neighbors, the cops came to our suite as well. I assured them that we had looked through the office and nothing was damaged or missing. As the cops turned to leave, the ring caught the attention of one officer.

"Wow, that's a nice ring!"
"It is, thank you. I'm just waiting for the guy that comes with it."

To my surprise, he picked up the ring, dropped to one knee, and proposed.

I was speechless.

I usually have, as the name suggests, a lotta thoughts sprinting through my mind but at that moment, I had absolutely no thought, no idea, and no clue how to respond.

So I blushed.

And he laughed. He put the ring back on my desk and walked out. Out of the office and out of my life.

Um, Mr. Officer? Hello? Were you serious? Hello? "I do." Can you hear me? Mr. Officer?


Wednesday, September 24, 2008


Little Boy Blue: Have you seen a key?
Me: A key? No. What is the key for?
Little Boy Blue: My treasure box.
Me: Oh. Your treasure box is locked?
Little Boy Blue: Of course!
Me: Well what's in your treasure box?
Little Boy Blue: My pants.
Me: Your what?!
Little Boy Blue: My pants. The ones I'm supposed to wear on Sundays.
Me: Your church pants are in your treasure chest?
Little Boy Blue: Yes.
Me: What did you wear to church on Sunday?
Little Boy Blue: Some other pants that weren't church pants.
Me: (laughing) I see.
Little Boy Blue: So have you seen the key?
Me: No.
5 minutes later
Little Boy Blue: Do you know where I can find a toolbox?
Me: Um, why do you need a toolbox?
Little Boy Blue: Because I am going to unscrew the hinges on the treasure chest.
Me: Smart idea! Although, I don't think you have the safest treasure chest considering you don't need a key to open it...

Moral of the story: Always have a toolbox nearby. Especially if you plan to attend church.