Ha ha, ho hum...boy I feel dumb

On Tuesday I decided to go shopping downtown. There is this store called Cillies where half the store is new merchandise and the other half is pre-owned clothes the store has purchased and sells at a discounted price. I like that half of the store for several reasons: the clothes are cute since the store won't buy back ugly clothes; the clothes are pre-worn in...you don't have to worry if the shirt will shrink or fade because it has already been washed several times; and it's a one of a kind. So, I found a pretty shirt that buttoned down halfway, had those cute cupped sleeves, and was long enough for my torso. I tried it on and it looked great (if I may say so). Although I liked it on, the sleeves were too tight for me and I knew after wearing the shirt all day, it wouldn't be comfortable so I went to take it off and look around some more.

Remember how I said the sleeves were really tight...I literally could not get the shirt off. I stood in that dressing room for ten minutes trying to figure out how to slip it off. Finally, I laughed to myself and faced what I wanted so badly to avoid: embarrassing moment 101. I shimmied the shirt back on completely and walked out of the dressing room. Another shopper turned and commented at how cute the shirt was. I thanked her and said, "Yes, well, I can't get it off." She watched me walk up to the sales associate and listened as I said, "You might not believe me, but I can't get this shirt off. Can you please come in the dressing room and pull it off?"

Yes, yes, my new most embarrassing moment followed. She and I went into the dressing room. I proceeded to sit down on the bench and lift up my arms. She actually had to work a bit to get it off. For some reason I had kept a small tank top on while I tried on the shirt - very glad of that since I avoided further embarrassment. My only thought was: Did I shave my pits today? Lucky for her, the sales associate only had day old stubble staring at her. Boy...

Needless to say, I did not buy the shirt. So any brave souls out there willing to blog their embarrassing moments?

Religious Confusion

A friend emailed me and told me to go to Tickle.com and take the religion test if I had a spare minute at work. I went to the website and this is what it says:

Ever wonder if you're practicing the right religion for your beliefs, or if there's a faith out there that's really right for you? It's possible you might be compatible with more than one religion; in fact, it's possible that you're more compatible with religions other than the one you believe in. Want to know which religion you're most compatible with based on your belief system? Take the test now!

So, I took the test. It’s actually pretty long; 11 pages of questions to help me determine what religion suits me best. Now, I am a devout Mormon so I consider myself Christian but wanted to see what Tickle.com suggested. After 15 minutes of multiple-choice questions, I finally finished. I hit the "submit" button only to find out...

NOTICE: This site has been blocked due to its content by AugustaIT at the request of RWA management.

Turns out my results were so eclectically controversial the server tagged them inappropriate for viewing. I feel so lost. I'm gonna stick to being Mormon.

Ancient Translation

Julia and I were looking at one of the many nativity sets we have at our house today. Julia pointed out that one of the three wise men had a wedding band on. Then we realized that all three had rings on. Julia said, “No wonder they are called the Three Wise Men. They were married!"

Innocent Wisdom

My brother Christian is at the age (8) where he questions Santa Clause. Last night he told me he no longer believed in Santa. I raised my eyebrows and exclaimed, “You don’t? I do! He brings me gifts every year. How could he not be real?!” Christian told me it was the parents that give the gifts. I asked, “So one day I will be Santa?” Since he isn’t positive, he answered, “I think so and I have a way to find out.” Now I was curious so I let him explain. “When I am older and have a baby and it is Christmas time, I will put out a stocking for my baby. If there are no presents on Christmas morning, then I’ll know that I am supposed to be Santa.”

What tipped you off when you were younger?

My Blonde Moment

I participated in a sprint triathlon this past May which consisted of a ½ mile swim, 13 mile bike, and 3.1 mile run. It was one of the most exhilarating events I have ever been part of so I tend to get overly excited when anyone mentions a race they heard about. Since not all triathlons are the same distances, I always ask how many miles the swimming, biking, or running are. Well, my friend Scottiethehottie was in Hawaii this weekend for a concert. He called to tell me a few details of the show and mentioned traffic had been horrible. Not only was U2 in town, but there also was a marathon scheduled for Saturday. I lit up and enthusiastically asked, “How many miles?!” He paused before he answered, “26.2 miles. That’s what a marathon is.”

Oh yeah...duh.

Silver Bells Updated

Tis the season to listen to Christmas music non-stop. None of the songs apply to my life though. For instance, who really roasts chestnuts on an open fire or goes dashing through the snow? In keeping up with the times, I have decided to rewrite some classics that can actually apply to my life. It seemed appropriate to start with my all time favorite Christmas carol: Silver Bells. Feel free to break out in song and spread the updated love!

City sidewalks? Who has sidewalks?
Dressed in holiday style?
All I see are those blowups of Santa,
Moving reindeer, blinking windows,
Wreaths that sing when you pass,
And at every store entrance you hear...

Salvation bells, Salvation bells
It's Christmas time here at Kroger
Ring-a-line, hear them ring
Soon they will have enough change.

Um Thanks...I Guess

Compliments -given with sincerity- I have overheard lately:

You look great…and you haven’t even lost any weight!
Honey, you have always mumbled. You just notice it now.
Your face is really clearing up!
I like your tie - it’s not fancy or anything.

Make A Wish Foundation...

Bob Cox, may he rest in peace.

If his last wish was to visit the Porcelain Park and ride the water slide...it was granted.

Frogs 4 Sale

I decided it was time for a new fish this weekend so I went and bought an angelfish. The sales associate told me that although my frogs wouldn't bother it for awhile, the frogs would one day be bigger than the fish and start to attack it. I decided to worry about that when the time came. So I took my fish home, acclamated it to the tank, and let it free. That night I was reading a book when I saw one of my frogs actively chase my new fish around the tank trying to nibble at it. I had to take my frogs out and put them in Tupperware-timeout for the night.

So...anyone want two frogs? The're just the cutest little things...if you can overlook the fact that they like to attack and kill fish. :o)

As Not Seen On TV

A coworker and I somehow ended up on a discussion about television today. I mentioned that we don’t have cable at my house. Add this to the fact that we live in the dip of a valley so all we really get on our TV is live coverage of snowstorms. He paused and asked, “How do you know what’s going on with CSI?” Seeing how he actually was concerned about this, I explained that I have friends that will explain an entire episode in 5 minutes. Then he wanted to know how I knew what was going on in the news. I told him that newspapers still exist and my homepage is set to CNN. I am kept abreast. Then he asked, “Well, what about the ‘As Seen On TV’ items?”

I had to laugh. That stuff is all junk. And in the off chance that I actually do lose my mind long enough to buy a pen that writes upside down in space, how often will I really need that? Perhaps one day I will be captured by some evil terrorists who hang their victims by the ankles. I am allowed one last letter from prison…

I’m sure gonna wish I had that pen.

Deer in Georgia are scared of Cows

…at least my imitation of them anyway. I usually go for a bike ride on Saturdays. It allows me to just think and unwind while providing a nice workout to boot. My parent’s home is located on the edge of a forest so it is not uncommon for deer to wander through yards. Many times I have come home late in the evening and seen as many as five deer just meandering in the street.

So this past Saturday I rode about three miles from home to get to a bike trail. After biking nearly an hour, I started to head back home. I was zooming down a large hill when I saw a deer in the middle of the road. I started braking but realized I was going to hit the deer if it didn’t move. I’ll admit…I was a little scared. What if this deer was going through some sort of forest sorority hazing and in order to pledge, she had to charge a biker. I might just be the first person to hit a deer…while riding a 32 speed! I did the first thing I thought of.

I moo’ed. Like a cow!

I could try and convince you that I really was saying “MOOOOOOVE!” but I know the truth. And it worked. The deer looked at me and ran. But then again, who wouldn’t run from a girl on a bike mooing!? The best part was relaying the story to my family once I got back home. They just looked at me like I was crazy; and in a sense, I guess I am. :o)

Dream On

So I’m sitting at a table with two other individuals being taught the reproductive cycle of a penguin by none other than Penélope Cruz. This is not odd to me at all because it’s a dream. I learned that a penguin lays eggs on floating iceberg chunks and then returns to land. If the eggs don’t roll off, become food, or freeze due to harsh conditions and actually hatch, the cycle continues.

Then I woke up. There was one thing I couldn’t figure out. If the female leaves land, lays eggs on a floating piece of ice out in the ocean, how do the chicks find home? Floating GPS? I don’t get it.

It never occurred to me to wonder why Penélope Cruz was the teacher. That made total sense.

To eat or not to eat

The other day I walk into Julia’s room and found her sitting on her bed surrounded by bags of chocolate. It wasn’t Halloween candy so I asked what the deal was. Turns out one of her friends from Texas was having a hard time so Julia was making a care package to send out. She told me though, that she had snuck one piece of Dove Chocolate even though she had just promised herself she would eat less sugar. I found the message printed on the inside of the Julia’s wrapper humorously ironic: “Keep the promises you make to yourself.”

The Ballet

So I got all dressed up to go to the ballet audition yesterday. Turns out they weren’t casting for a dance recital at all but it was this voting thing. So I ‘cast my ballot’…or whatever.

I sure felt silly in my pink tutu.

Something's Fishy

I have always wanted an aquarium wall...well, since 1997 anyway. That was the year "Romeo and Juliet" starring Leonardo DiCaprio came out. Remember the scene where Romeo spots Juliet through the glass aquarium wall, time stands still. If you never believed in love at first site, well, you do now. I think the entire experience was intensified for me since I watched the movie on prom night. As if there aren't enough hormones raging anyway, let's get a group together and watch a romance film about suicidal lovers.

Nice.

Anyway, like I was saying, after I watched that scene, all I wanted in life, besides lettering in band, was an aquarium wall in my future house. Fast forward 9 years. I lettered in band but still no sign of the aquarium wall. Or future house for that matter. This year I decided to start small so I went and bought a 12 gallon tank. I was so excited looking at all the beautiful fish that would one day fill the tank. That's when the sales associate told me that I would need to equalize-bacterialize-something-blah-blah my tank. In order to do that, I would need to keep 5 or 6 goldfish in my tank for about a month. Apparently goldfish have a higher tolerance to toxic tap water and can equalize-harmonize-whatever-blah-blah the tank so when I add other fish, they don't die. I'm told this is preferable. I should point out one thing though.

I hate goldfish. Not dislike; not find objectionable; Hate. But sometimes you have to sacrifice. So...

...I bought 5. I named them after people I hate. Not dislike or find objectionable; hate. One was a singer, one an actress, one a wife of an ex-boyfriend, one a guy I met on my senior graduation trip and one was my bestest friend's ex-boyfriend. I thought it fitting that the goldfish named after the girl I hated most, died first. I really enjoyed flushing that little fishy down the tube. Ahhhh.....

Well, long blog entry short, the tank reached optimal equilization-detoxification-bacterialization-civilization level so I was able to get rid of the goldfish. I bought 2 small frogs and 2 male guppies. I named the frogs Miss. Non-Commital (either because she jumps from place to place or she represents my dating life) and Bob Cox. The fish are Elvis and Belle. So I was hanging out with my math friend TR2 the other day. I went to show him my "pets" when I realized Elvis wasn't swimming around. I leaned down to see if he was floating by the filter. No. He wasn't under any of the shells either. That's when I realized Miss Non-Committal was substantially larger than Bob Cox. In this instance, she was very committed to finishing her dinner. Ulg... But one thing is for sure...Elvis is dead.

Unless anyone knows where I can find male guppies who like to wear wigs, sequin shirts, and roll their hips, er fins I guess.