I popped my trunk and slowly got the tools necessary to change my tire. Several cars zoomed by and I wondered if anyone would pull over to help. Although I had just come from the gym and was covered in glisten, I was beginning to doubt I had any sort of “damsel in distress” influence. I jacked up the car and was about to take the ruined tire off when an Audi pulled over and backed up. Finally, someone to just keep me company and help in case I need it.
Even more company arrived. A police man pulled over to insure I was okay. The Audi Man had started taking off the lug nuts by slowly, manually turning the wrench. I stopped relaying the situation to the cop long enough to bend down and show Audi Man a better way of twisting the tool so the wrench didn’t have to be removed every half-turn. When I looked back at the cop, he laughed and told Audi Man, “She’s totally right. Looks like she knows what she’s doing.” The cop stayed long enough for us to get the spare started; then he was gone.
After the tires were swapped, I gathered the tools to the trunk and slammed the lid to see Audi Man leaning on the driver’s door with his elbow. He cocked his head to the side and casually asked, “So, whatter yer plans tonight?”
Uh…um…well…I was going to go home and eat some dinner. Maybe watch an episode of Seinfeld.How’s about you and I catch something to eat then.
Uh…um…well, I need to shower first.No problem. I’ll pick you up in an hour. What’s your address?
Too stunned to think clearly, I gave him my address. Five minutes later and home, I realized the stupid mistake I'd just made. A random stranger had my address and would be by to pick me up at 7. I felt sick. Worried sick. When he knocked, I barely cracked the door and yelled to my roommate that I would be back later. He didn’t need to know she wasn’t home. I just wanted him to realize I would be missed if he didn’t bring me back.
I got in the car and he began talking. He told me about the construction company he had worked for and spent several minutes pointing out different buildings he'd helped erect. I turned from Chatty Charlotte to One-Word-Girl. I hardly spoke. I didn’t want him to know anything about me. During a silent moment I happened to look in the back seat and saw Dr. Laura’s book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. This book was popular among some of my female friends but I couldn’t see why he would need a book about husbands. I asked if it was his. He exclaimed, “Yes! I bought it and read it all the way through. The parts that specifically pertain to me are highlighted. That way when I get engaged, all my future fiancé has to do is read the book and pay particular attention to the parts I’ve colored. In fact, read this...” He opened the book to a particular page and asked me to read aloud a certain section.
“Men are really easy to understand. They want one of two things. If he isn't horny, make him a sandwich.”
I closed the book, paused, and said, “Well, it’s a good thing we are going to dinner.” He laughed and said I was witty. I was done. Audi Man was Outta Chances. I tried not to smile or laugh or talk the rest of the evening. And I still couldn’t get him to take me home. He wanted to take me to his place and show me his dog. I told him I hated dogs. He wanted to show me an episode of Seinfeld on his flat screen tv. I said I wasn’t interested. He wanted to call me. I wouldn’t give him my number. I wanted to go home. He wanted to drive around more.
I finally got him to take me home when I mentioned it was my sister’s birthday. I needed to call her still and if it wasn’t for that fact, I don't know when he would have brought me back. When I relayed the story to my parents I knew I'd been protected. My parents were glad I was safe. Aside from that night, I can't think of any time when my parents have called me names. That night though, my dad was completely correct when he called me an idiot.
