Top Ten Posts from 2010

Morning, fellow bloggers. I thought I'd copy a few blogs and list some of my favorite memories from 2010. It was a good year, wasn't it?

Going just from memory, I'd say one of my favorite posts was about the trip I took to Texas in August to visit my bestest friend, Elke, and to welcome the birth of her second child. That was such a ...What?

You say I didn't blog about that? Of course I did. I mean, Elke and I have known each other for years! Despite being states apart, we are still the best of friends. That week was one of the highlights of our friendship. Surely I blogged about it; let me check my archives, back in a minute.

...

So it seems I did NOT blog about that. Wow. I can't believe I didn't share that experience with you. That's a bit of a surprise to me.

Well, I'll continue to a different favorite memory from last year. Remember when my car, you know the one with electric tape over the 'fix engine' light, just died? And how I got that new car that was a stick shift? Except I didn't know how to drive stick shift? And remember when two friends went with me to help me learn how to drive and I yelled at them, middle names and all? Oh, man, that was intense; well, funny, now that it's over.

(leans in closer) What did you say? I didn't blog about that, either? Really?! I don't believe this. I could have sworn I did...

Alright, moving on. I know I blogged about that crazy Mud Run I did in September. Remember?! It's the race with just a bunch of mud? I had to have blogged about that. Maybe a picture will help jog your memory. We looked like this at the end, remember now?

No?! 

Okay, this is ridiculous. Tell me, do you remember the post about the snake on my front porch? My new glasses? My assistantship with the University of Georgia? My trip to Walt Disney World that coincided with the Stars Wars Convention held there? Johnny Cherie, my baby sister, graduating from High School (gulp)? Me shooting guns?

You don't remember any of those? I don't understand. I used to blog all the time. Surely, surely I blogged about one of those.

What's that you say? I haven't blogged since APRIL?! That's just absurd. That can't be the case.

...Oh, well, this is embarrassing. Turns out you were right. My account shows I only blogged three times this past year. Well, um, goodness. Looks like I'm behind on some blogging. 

I'll make you a deal: If you promise not to mention the fact that I'm a blog slacker to anyone, I'll at least double my posts from last year. Heh.

Happy New Year!

List Noted

I received an email from P-Squared regarding Little Boy Blue's Christmas list.

Little Boy Blue revealed his wish list a few weeks ago when in Target. I took notes. Some of the Lego toys are under $20. He tore the pictures out of a catalog and keeps them handy to look at and covet. Er, I mean, dream.

P-Squared then listed five different Lego sets.

I noticed he'd copied all the siblings minus Little boy. I took the opportunity to respond first.

Dad, since I wasn't at Target with you, my wish list is unknown. To be helpful, I've responded with my list. I like
- a new car
- a road bike (I'll even settle for one that's only $1,000)
- tuition paid in full

Then the email responses snow-balled. First from TheDeanInc.

Since we are all laying this out there, I want:
- a 3 year old BMW M3 (not as picky on the 'new' part that Charlotta wants)
- some new jeans, preferably True Religions.
Scratch that...just get me some very high valued Nordstrom gift cards.

Next from P-Squared himself:
Well, if we're revealing, I want
- a new truck. Then Johnny can drive my truck.
- some new shirts and slacks.
- a replacement of the Acura for (me) mama mia

- a new garage door
- or shingles for the house.
Nothing TOO costly.

Then Johnny commented:
That's an ugly truck, no offense, but if you're the one driving it, then SURE, go for it!

And finally Smelly Shelly wrote:
I need these. (She's enrolled in Dental Hygiene school) They range from $700 - 900 but I don't know if that includes a prescription.

- this car
...or the SUV
...or a black Range Rover

______________________________________________

I hope Mama Mia wants a new four car garage...

My Bl*nk*ng Car

My car is a keeper. I bought her after I graduated from college in 2002 and she's been my trusty sidekick since. She and I have been to various states, run over a few nails, blown a tire on the interstate, and been pulled over for going a little too fast.

As cool cars go, I think mine's the coolest. I mean, she blinks.

BLINKS, I tell ya!

I bet your car doesn't blink.

Please ignore the check engine light. I ran out of electrical tape. Oh, and ignore the fact that every time I shift, the car clunks like a cheap casino machine. Most car owners can only wish to be that cool.

Bugged

Dear Lego Corporation,

My name is Charlottalove.

I happen to like Volkswagen Bugs.

Well, like is an understatement.

I guess I love VWs. Okay, okay, I'm obsessed.
Anyway, I noticed you have a new set available.
...titled CHARLOTTE
Are you kidding me?
A Volkswagen beetle set called Charlotte?!?
Did I just die and go to VW heaven?
Lego, I think I love you. We were meant to be together. Just like two connecting pieces.

Signed, Charlottalove

What Goes Around, Comes Around

Fool me once, shame on you...
A young man once came to the office where I work. His face was so badly beaten that one eye was swollen shut. He told me he was out of gas money and had resorted to selling his possessions so he could get home. He pulled a gold watch from his pocket and said I could have it for $5. The watch was hideous. I told him I didn't want the watch but would give him two dollars. He took my money and turned. Before he could leave, a cop entered the office. I watched this man get frisked, handcuffed, and taken to the back seat of the police car. The officer came back to tell me that the young man had robbed a woman earlier that morning and was selling her items to make money. I thanked him for coming (obviously) and went on with my day. My money was never returned but I consider $2 a small price for a life lesson.

Fool me twice, shame on me...
A week later a guy came to the office. His car had run out of gas up the road and did I have a couple of bucks he could have? I pointed across the road to a gas station. "Sir, just last week I gave some cash to a guy - said he needed gas money - he happened to have a warrant out for his arrest. I don't give cash out anymore but I'll make you a deal. Get your car to the gas station across the road and I'll put in $10 worth of gas." He complained that his car was up the road and wouldn't make it to the gas station. "Sir, you are asking for my money. You need to meet me halfway - which is that gas station across the road." He left and I never saw him again.

Open mouth, insert foot...
Sometime last year I was sitting in my car in a parking lot. I heard a tap-tap on my window. I looked and a woman was standing next to my door. I rolled down the window. She explained that her car was out of gas and she needed to get home. I checked my rear view mirror. I wondered if I had a sign on my head telling people to ask me for money. Again, I pointed across the street. "Ma'am, I won't give you cash but I'll meet you over at that gas station and put $10 worth of fuel in your car." She smiled and thanked me. I watched her get into her car and drive to the gas station.

D'oh!

So I put in a few gallons.

Karma? I'm getting low on fuel. Can you loan me $10?

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Saturday was a series of events.

Fortunately I saved fuel by biking to the grocery store.
Unfortunately I didn't bring enough water and suffered from dehydration all afternoon and evening.

Fortunately I carpooled with three friends to Atlanta. We had an enjoyable afternoon.
Unfortunately the car radiator cracked 15 minutes after we started our drive home to Athens.

Fortunately the split was near the surface and the driver had a tire repair kit in the trunk. The super glue, rubber strip, and duct tape seal held together for the remaining 2 hour drive.
Unfortunately we had to drive with the heater on high the entire ride to help cool the engine.

Fortunately I don't mind having the windows down.
Unfortunately we wouldn't arrive home till after midnight.

Fortunately my car was still at Lowes where I had parked it for the day.
Unfortunately Lowe's locks their parking lots when they close.

Fortunately my car radiator was fine.
Unfortunately my car was locked for the evening.

Fortunately Lowe's is open on Sunday.

What a weekend...fortunately it's over!

Ticket? Check

It was bound to happen.

I'm actually surprised it took this long.

Saturday evening I was driving home from Atlanta. I was enjoying a new cd - lost in a drum beat and guitar trance. The traffic was light and I casually passed cars driving slowly.

I passed a dark area of road and saw head lights flicker in my rear view mirror. Head lights not previously seen.

Then the red and blue lights joined.

I knew the second I passed the dark area that I'd just helped some cop meet his quota.

"Ma'am, I clocked you going 77 in a 55. That's why I pulled you over."
"Yes sir, I was speeding."
"Well, I hate to write this ticket. I'll see if I can knock your speed down to just 14 over."
"I'd appreciate that."

The ticket clocks me at 69. I'm sure 77 was even a little low. So, I checked some "FIRSTS" off my list. First time getting pulled over. First time getting a ticket.

Coming soon: First time going to traffic court...

Click and Clack

Do you drive a car that seems to always have a problem?

Are you on a tight budget?

Well, I'm here today to share a car maintenance tip for those living on a shoestring budget. In fact, you only need $2 and a pair of scissors.

See that Check Engine light? It's been glaring at me from the dash. The rest of my panel is blue so that neon orange really throws off the whole color scheme. Since turning my car on and off for 30 minutes didn't reset the light, I had to resort to, uh, other methods.

1. Purchase roll of black electrical tape.

2. Cut small piece size of said orange light.

3. Place over light.


4. Problem solved.


I've found this method also works rather well on the blinking "NEW VOICE MAIL" light on my office phone.

Lucky Me!

I took my car in for it's quarterly oil change recently. The auto shop is just across the street from work so I can actually be productive while I wait. This particular afternoon I received a call from the shop's receptionist.

"Ma'am, your something* belt needs replacing."
"Is that what causes the awful squeal each time I start my car?"
"Yes."
"Go ahead and replace that. My short term fix of turning the radio up louder wasn't working anymore."

So I shelled out the cash and had the belt replaced.

That Friday I headed out to meet with some friends. Mid route, my car started making a horrible thumpTHUMPthumpTHUMPthumpTHUMP sound. I didn't stop because it was dark and I was almost to my destination. I cringed and silently hoped I would make it. I did arrive and noted that the sound had stopped. A brief glance under the hood revealed nothing.

The next day I told P2 about the noise. He looked and found that my belt - the newly replaced one - had split in two. I'm no car expert - in fact, I'm no car anything - but I don't think having two belts where there should only be one is a good thing. I made a mental note to take the car back to the auto shop on Monday and have them replace the faulty belt.

Sunday I went to church. No big surprise there. However, coming out of the building and walking to my car I saw something shiny glinting from my rear tire. As mentioned above, I'm no car expert - or tire expert - but shiny objects should only be on jewelry or prom dresses from the 80's. I knelt down and found a screw embedded in my tire grooves.

Boy, aren't I the fortunate one! ...and don't think the posts regarding my car are done. The luck continues!

* I don't remember the name of the belt and the receipt is in the other room. I'm too lazy to get that information.

E is for effort...or my fuel level

School is for gaining knowledge - but not necessarily academia lessons only. For example, I learned that if, for some reason, you drive to work on E and park on a slope, come lunch time when you need to drive to a particular college to purchase books and get a student id before the office closes since this college is so small and the id office is only open two days a week, 4 hours at a time, the car probably won’t start...no matter how much you gun the engine.

And, although in the past when the driver was dumb enough to make the same mistake but solved it by coasting to a flat part of the parking lot, starting the car, then driving across the road to a gas station, today – since it’s her lucky day – there will be a car parked in the one spot she needs to coast through.

Then after trying, unsuccessfully, to locate the owner of the car and beg them to move, the driver – my friend…because this story obviously is not about me – will try her car again and it will start.

So, the moral of the story is this: ALWAYS PULL THROUGH TO THE FAR PARKING SPOT IN CASE YOU NEED TO COAST LATER.

Thoughts on cars:

Do people think they obtain some sort of cosmic power when they get into a car? A power that allows them to communicate with other drivers perhaps?

Recently I was stuck near the end of a long line of cars and when the light turned green, the first car – for whatever reason – did not go. The light was short and none of us made it through. I could see the lady behind me throw her hands up, roll her eyes, and yell something. Although none of us heard what she said, she seemed to think we could and that we cared. The next green light we all made it through. I checked in my rear view mirror and saw her turn into a Mexican Restaurant. It was 5:51. So either she was 6 minutes late for her 5:45 shift or really early for dinner. Either way, her irateness humored me for some reason.

Do people think a closed car door eliminates anyone from seeing what they are doing?

At that same traffic signal, since I waited through two red lights, I had time to watch the other car passengers. The girl next to me had just completed a shopping spree. She had purchased a few items and held each one up to eye level for closer inspection. "Hon...I'm sure that pair of lime green panties will look great on you."

And to the guy in the next lane, um, if you did succeed in finding that gold you were digging for, you might consider cashing some of it in to get tinted windows. I know I’d appreciate it.

My Date with a "Ted Bundy"

The date was May 10, 2004. It was a beautiful summer day in Utah with incredible winds. I was halfway home on the freeway when I heard a noise. It was as if I’d run over something but when I looked in the rear view mirror I didn’t see anything. The wind picked up speed. My car rocked back and forth wielded by the wind. I was ready to get home and relax…a fleeting thought. I smelled burning rubber. Again I looked in the rear view but this time watched a piece of tire chunk fling from my car. I immediately pulled over to find my tire hanging on by shreds.


I popped my trunk and slowly got the tools necessary to change my tire. Several cars zoomed by and I wondered if anyone would pull over to help. Although I had just come from the gym and was covered in glisten, I was beginning to doubt I had any sort of “damsel in distress” influence. I jacked up the car and was about to take the ruined tire off when an Audi pulled over and backed up. Finally, someone to just keep me company and help in case I need it.

Even more company arrived. A police man pulled over to insure I was okay. The Audi Man had started taking off the lug nuts by slowly, manually turning the wrench. I stopped relaying the situation to the cop long enough to bend down and show Audi Man a better way of twisting the tool so the wrench didn’t have to be removed every half-turn. When I looked back at the cop, he laughed and told Audi Man, “She’s totally right. Looks like she knows what she’s doing.” The cop stayed long enough for us to get the spare started; then he was gone.

After the tires were swapped, I gathered the tools to the trunk and slammed the lid to see Audi Man leaning on the driver’s door with his elbow. He cocked his head to the side and casually asked, “So, whatter yer plans tonight?”

Uh…um…well…I was going to go home and eat some dinner. Maybe watch an episode of Seinfeld.

How’s about you and I catch something to eat then.

Uh…um…well, I need to shower first.

No problem. I’ll pick you up in an hour. What’s your address?

Too stunned to think clearly, I gave him my address. Five minutes later and home, I realized the stupid mistake I'd just made. A random stranger had my address and would be by to pick me up at 7. I felt sick. Worried sick. When he knocked, I barely cracked the door and yelled to my roommate that I would be back later. He didn’t need to know she wasn’t home. I just wanted him to realize I would be missed if he didn’t bring me back.

I got in the car and he began talking. He told me about the construction company he had worked for and spent several minutes pointing out different buildings he'd helped erect. I turned from Chatty Charlotte to One-Word-Girl. I hardly spoke. I didn’t want him to know anything about me. During a silent moment I happened to look in the back seat and saw Dr. Laura’s book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. This book was popular among some of my female friends but I couldn’t see why he would need a book about husbands. I asked if it was his. He exclaimed, “Yes! I bought it and read it all the way through. The parts that specifically pertain to me are highlighted. That way when I get engaged, all my future fiancé has to do is read the book and pay particular attention to the parts I’ve colored. In fact, read this...” He opened the book to a particular page and asked me to read aloud a certain section.

“Men are really easy to understand. They want one of two things. If he isn't horny, make him a sandwich.”

I closed the book, paused, and said, “Well, it’s a good thing we are going to dinner.” He laughed and said I was witty. I was done. Audi Man was Outta Chances. I tried not to smile or laugh or talk the rest of the evening. And I still couldn’t get him to take me home. He wanted to take me to his place and show me his dog. I told him I hated dogs. He wanted to show me an episode of Seinfeld on his flat screen tv. I said I wasn’t interested. He wanted to call me. I wouldn’t give him my number. I wanted to go home. He wanted to drive around more.

I finally got him to take me home when I mentioned it was my sister’s birthday. I needed to call her still and if it wasn’t for that fact, I don't know when he would have brought me back. When I relayed the story to my parents I knew I'd been protected. My parents were glad I was safe. Aside from that night, I can't think of any time when my parents have called me names. That night though, my dad was completely correct when he called me an idiot.

Just say when

I'm not sure when it started - an innocent game of Slug Bug while driving on vacation, a magazine advertisement, a parade - it could have been any of the above. I do know that I have a strange liking to miniature Volks Wagon Beetles. Some might call it an obsession but I prefer to say it's a extreme hobby.

Here is my first bug ever. I was browsing through an antique shop one day in Paris and picked it up. Ah, I never tire of telling people I was in Paris. I was. Paris Texas. Anyway, if you flip it over, you can see it was probably an assigment for some art class. It's inscribed "Sewell '78". Sewell, you don't know what you started.

My bestest-friend Elke gave me another yellow bug for my senior graduation. Add this to the two I already had and I was off to a small collection.

Then in college some roommates found out about the collection and surprised me at Christmas with new additions.

Coworkers also added to the collection.

Even friends from church contributed.

And a boyfriend at the time.

Is there a line between a collection and an obsession?

I think I might be close.

Or perhaps already crossed it.

Somebody, anybody say when.

When?

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

I have a car again. I haven't had one since last Monday. 8 days! I somehow made it through 5 years of college, that's right - I took the scenic route through 3 different majors before committing, without a car but this past week-and-a-day has been very difficult to manage.

A while back, and by "back" I'm talking the year 2006 still, my car started to shift really hard. I hoped it was just a phase my car was going through. Maybe she'd grow out of it. But then in February I realized this obviously was not something I could fix on my own by turning up the radio. You know you've done that too and hoped it would work... I took my car into Honda for a "used-car inspection" and they were done in a mere 90 minutes. Honda thinks you are test-driving a vehicle to buy so they tell you what repairs to expect if you do decide to purchase. I knew I was in for it when the guy lowered his head, grimaced, and took a long, audible breath.

"You looking to buy this car?"
Actually it's mine but I'm thinking of selling.
"Well, I was going to tell you not to buy it. The transmission's slipping. You noticed the hard shifting?"
Yes...*ahem* just recently though.
"Yeah, it's bad. Oh yeah. And that'll be $90."

A second opinion confirmed the sad state of my transmission. I got three different quotes and went with the lowest. I dropped my car off last Monday morning and was told it would be 3 days at the latest. So Wednesday I call.

"Thank you for calling Wernham Hogg. This is Amy. May I help you?"
Uh yeah, I was checking on the status of my car. It should be done today.
"Warren is out right now working on some cars but I'll have him call you a.s.a.p."

No call.

"Thank you for calling Wernham Hogg. This is Amy. May I help you?"
Yes, I called yesterday about my car. Do you know the status?
"Ma'am, let me get your number and I'll have Warren call you when he gets a chance."

No call. My dad and I dropped by to see if I could pick it up. Warren was surprised to see me walk in and told me he was waiting for a part. He might finish on Friday but would be done Monday at the latest.

"Thank you for calling Wernham Hogg. This is Amy. May I help you?"
Yeah, um, I was wondering if I was going to get my car today. Warren said it might be done.
"Ma'am, Warren is out on a test run but let me get your number again and I'll have him call you."

No call.

Monday it was a guy who answered. "Wernham Hogg. Can I help you?"
I'm trying to find out when my car will be done.
Everyone is at lunch but I'll have Warren call you.

Warren called to say it would be Tuesday.

Yesterday Warren called to tell me my car was finished and I could pick it up. I read the warranty, signed my life savings over, and got my key. As I was getting into my car, Warren walked over and casually asked, "Do you know anyone who's looking for a job?"
Uh, probably. Why?
Well, don't know if you noticed or not but I haven't been getting my messages, and, well, I'm looking for a new secretary.

Hmm, actually I did notice you never called me. And your 3 days turned into 8. And you spelled my name Charlott. *sigh

Going somewhere…F A S T!

I recently attended a religious forum where the speaker emphasized obedience in all aspects. I wasn’t too worried until he said this meant driving the posted Speed Limits. My friend TR² kicked me in my shin as a friendly reminder that speeding is one of my only flaws. That and humility. It is common knowledge that I tend to get places quicker than the time allotted on MapQuest. I think it must be a gene passed down through generations. If so, my dad passed one gene to me and gave my brother, The Dean Inc, a double dose.

It’s not that I’m speeding, but more so that I’m driving the speed limit that should have been posted. Really I’m doing the cops a favor. We have all seen those little black ropes they tie down on the road to measure the amount of traffic and average speed. Instead of putting those down all around town, the city could just hire me to drive different routes at a comfortable speed to see what the true speed limit should be. I could be hired for cheap since I don’t have a master’s degree in city-road-planning. Since I would be out on the roads, I could even monitor suspicious activity and communicate this back to the police. I’ll even hire out my car for advertisements as I drive around. Seriously, the benefits are endless.

Someone should nominate me for citizen of the year or something.