Botox Alternative

The University of Georgia requires all new students to update their immunization records. Since my last shot was administered in 1990, I was past due on several accounts. I took care of that on Tuesday. So now, if you sit by me, I may bite but at least I'm not contagious.

While I waited to be a human pin cushion, I noticed an advertisement poster for Botox on the wall. The pictures showed a before and after picture of two individuals who'd had injections. The after pictures showed full, plump, smiling faces. The before showed the sad, wrinkled state the faces had once been.

Wait a minute...

Is it just me or does the before picture look like the model simply scrunched up his/her forehead by scowling?

That forehead wrinkle seems so familiar... as if I've seen it before... but where?

Oh yes, now I know!

Introducing needle-less botox: Are you nervous to visit a doctor? Do needles make you cringe? Try new 'Zam-Tox. Even the biggest skeptic will find 'Zam-Tox straightforward. Simply enroll in a local college, attend class, and wait. Results may take a few weeks but are guaranteed by the first exam. See for yourself.

Before an exam:

After an exam:

"I've used 'Zam-Tox for two semesters and the results are visible to all. Thank you 'Zam-Tox. If I knew I could be wrinkle free, I'd have gone back to school years ago!"

'Zam-Tox: The Smart Botox

A Hallmark Moment

The question foremost on my mind since being accepted to UGA concerns the cost and how I'll be able to pay. I applied, albeit late, for an assistantship but all the positions are filled. While I wait to apply again, I've found several sites that list scholarship opportunities for graduate students. One in particular caught my attention. Applicants submit greeting messages or pictures for an online card company. The winner(s) will receive school funding and their idea becomes a virtual reality.

A few years ago, my bestest friend Elke went to the doctor for some pain in her wrists. The doctor said she was suffering from carpal tunnel. Since we live a few states away, I couldn't physically help her with tasks around the house but I tried to show sympathy with a card. In case you were wondering, there's not much of a market catered to carpal tunnel. I had to make my own.

What do you say? Should I give this company a call? Really, who can say no to talent like that?!

A Little Stressed

New Year's Goal #5 : Train for and complete my 2nd triathlon.

That goal is currently on hold. One day I was running at the gym and felt a dull pain on my right foot as though I'd tied my shoe too tight. I loosened the laces and continued running. The pain increased so I ended my run early and headed home. I set up an appointment with a local podiatrist and met with the doctor last Monday. I watched as he placed the x-rays on the light and realized I knew all the bones.

I had to brag.

"I'm in an anatomy class and we just studied the foot. I know all those bones."
"Oh really? What's this one called?"
"That would be my navicular."
"Very good! And this one?"
"The calcaneus."
"I'm impressed."
...
"So, uh, what's wrong with my foot?"
"You have a stress fracture right here."

I looked at the x-ray but couldn't see the fracture. I took his word though since my foot hurt. He put me on a strict exercise plan and by that I mean NO running or biking for a couple weeks. I had to wear a glorified ace bandage for 4 days. Although the bandage was moist when he wrapped my foot, it dried and became rather stiff. I wasn't allowed to get it wet. That turned my showers into a Barnum & Bailey Balancing Act.


Really though, I'm trying to start a new trend. Michael Jackson wore one glove - what stops me from wearing just one foot wrap? I'm bringing stretchy back.

Drugs: Just Say Green

A friend of mine just had knee surgery. He's been very nervous about the whole ordeal. I’ve tried to be a supporting friend but considering I can only maintain a serious perspective for about, oh, 2 minutes 37 seconds, I’m not sure how helpful I’ve been.

Him: Charlotte, I feel sick to my stomach.
The ever-compassionate, supportive friend: Are you getting sick?
Him: No. I just worry about all that could go wrong. What if the nurse gives me too much anesthesia and I don’t wake up?
Me: If that happens, can I have your cell phone? And your truck?

He called last night to report the surgery. Although this means no new phone or vehicle, I really enjoyed the call. The following conversation is brought to you by the letters Rx, prescription drugs, and the color green.

Me: Hey there! How are you feeling?
Stoned Guy: im alri butin pain.
Me: You are in pain?
Stoner: Mmhuh.
Me: Did they give you any pain medication?
Stoner: yea..ijus tookid.
Me: (smiling) Well, you sound tired. You want me to let you go?
Stoner: NO! Juss talk.
Me: About what?
Stoner: Gree...
Me: Green? The color green?
Stoner: Mmhuh.
Me: (laughing) Okay…

I'm really looking forward to the day he is completely coherent. I'll repeat all the random quotes and tease a bit. I just have to remember, it's all fun and games until I undergo surgery (if needed one day). Then I'll have a taste of my own medicine. I just hope it's Cherry Flavored.

I C U

My contact prescription is old so I went to the doctor for an eye checkup. I filled out all my paper work, was seated in the checkup room, and left to wait. I entertained myself by looking around the room. I saw the typical eye doctor wall hangings: pictures of the eye, contact lens advertisements, a wall chart, and his diploma. The diploma stood out to me. Most diplomas are printed on letter or legal size paper. This one was at least 2 feet by 3 feet.

GOOD

GRIEF! Why so

big? Does he think I can't

see or something? Oh wait... never mind.