Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Hyponatremia

I introduced you to G.A.B. on Monday. The instructions said my boyfriend would grow if fully submerged in water. Being a sweet girlfriend, I placed Gabby in the tub one evening while I ran some errands. I came back a few hours later - not much had changed. That's when I realized the process took 3 - 10 days. I relocated Gabby to a vase - hoping the same vase would later be filled with flowers from him as a token of reciprocated love.

Thursday passed.

Friday passed.

Saturday was Day 4. Gabby was looking great. I took some time that morning to talk with and learn more about him. I discovered his great grandfather, Bubba Licious, was from Texas - so we talked about that awhile. Unfortunately for us, I had to cut the conversation short. I had plans to spend the day in Atlanta and knew he needed more time to soak. I said goodbye and plunked him back in the vase. I reminded him that I would be home later in the evening and insisted we take some photos together.

*sniff

If only I'd known that drinking was still a temptation. If only I'd known he'd barely been 'on the wagon' since November. If only I'd known he hadn't been attending his H2O Anonymous meetings...

Hi honey, I'm home!


Honey, did you hear me? Hello?

Gabby?


GABBY?!?!?


G.A.B.
February 2008
May he Rest In Pieces

16 comments:

RED MOJO said...

Just when you two were starting to bond. That's so sad. Looks like your partnership has disolved. Rest in peace Gabby.

Brett said...

too good to be true.

Shankar said...

Just one date with you and he turned into jelly.

Beth said...

Such a tragic ending to what could have been a life-long beautiful relationship. However, I don't think he possessed enough back-bone for you.

(You posts crack me up - thanks for the laugh!)

Charlotte said...

That's hilarious, if slightly disgusting. Clearly you turn men weak at the knees.

Craze said...

Damn the luck. That's how most of my dates turn out!

Bone said...

I'm going to assume that you quickly flushed any and all evidence of Gabby. I'm sure it won't be long before someone comes looking for him.

charlotta-love said...

First off...you bloggers are super creative.
* partnership dissolved
* too good to be true
* turned to jelly
* didn't have a back bone
* weak at the knees
* cops coming to find him...

LOL. This is why I blog...to see what creative comments you each share. Thanks!

oh, and Craze, if your dates turn out like this...I am sorry!

Paul and Sarah said...

sick!

Melissa said...

Who knew you could be so toxic to a man?

Above Average Joe said...

No flowers but he did get all mushy on you.

Christy said...

Charlotte, you are so stinkin' hilarious! I must point out, however, that a better name for G.A.B. might have been GABE rather than Gabby. Maybe it's better that he melted, as he seems somewhat confused about his gender.

The Dally Llama said...

All I know is that after looking at those pictures, I'm no longer very enthusiastic about finishing the oatmeal I'm in the middle of eating.

Jared and Katy said...

You are WAY too funny!

Travis Butterfield said...

you are HILARIOUS. I nominate this as the best post I've read in months. p.s. sorry about your boyfriend. what can I say? guys just melt when they see you. ha ha.

michelle said...

maybe what it meant to say on the instructions was that after meeting someone...human (if they are bf potential)..it only takes 3-10 days for u to "grow" on him to where he becomes ur bf.