Silver Lining

In recent conversations with friends, I have sarcastically mentioned lining windows with tinfoil. No one knew what I meant.

"Tinfoil? On windows?" "Who does that?" "I've never seen that - are you making this up?"

Absolutely not! Growing up I saw people use tinfoil in place of curtains on many a window. The trend exponentially increased within trailer home parks. I thought it was tacky and called it white-trash. After I informed my friends what a tinfoil window consisted of, I added that public mocking would occur if anyone I knew actually 'insulated' with Reynolds Wrap.

I was online one afternoon and a friend started im'ing me. The chat box blinked.
"You can make fun of me now."
"Why?"
"I was studying this morning by the window and I got cold...so I tried your suggestion and taped up some tinfoil."
"You WHAT?! That wasn't a suggestion but rather something NEVER to do. Why didn't you just turn up the heat? ...oh, and does it work?"
"It works really well. I'm toasty now."
"And totally white trash!"

I decided to pick up an extra item that afternoon while grocery shopping. I saw my friend - who now will be known as Mr. Reynolds - later that evening. "Hey, I stopped by a fabric store today on my way home. I know - random - anyway, I saw a pattern I think you will like and picked it up for you. Here you go." It's been said that every rain cloud has a silver lining. In Mr. Reynolds' case, so does his window.

I just love what you've done with the place!

Jean Torture

A few weeks ago, I discovered my jeans had outgrown me. Usually this would be good news - not for me. This means I had to go jean shopping and I'm not fond of shopping. I am very content with my body - don't get me wrong - but according to the rest of the clothing industry, I'm odd shaped. I have a normal waist for my weight but a rather long inseam. Since I enjoy biking, my thighs are a bit thicker.

Normal waist + long legs + thick thighs = Odd size that's difficult to find.

I knew I would be in Atlanta for the weekend and planned to shop during some down time. A friend called to see if I wanted to do something. I explained that buying new jeans was on the agenda - he was welcome to join me at the mall.

He agreed. Poor, poor guy.

We arrived and "Mission (Impossible) Jean" began.

Store #1: "Okay, I'm wearing jeans size 10 long. Let's start with that size and try a few styles." He helped and I went to try on a few pair. I couldn't even zip them up. Confused, I went back and asked him to help me locate the 12's. That size didn't fit either. I refused to go up another size so we left.

Store #2: "Okay, help me find a 9 or an 11." "Wait...," he said, "What happened to the 10s and 12s?" "They don't use that sizing system at this store - here it is odd numbers instead of even." The 11 was tight. Humbly I tried on the 13. It fit fine. Not convinced this was the pair of pants for me, I noted the name of the store and we left to try some other stores.

Store #I'm getting hungry: "Another store and they use even numbers. Let me try a 12. " This time, the pants fit like an over sized parachute! I had to go back and get a 10 - still too large. The 8 - too snug.

Store #Let-me-just-look-real-quick: This store was having a 50% off sale which meant the jeans were now affordable. They only had regular length jeans - which looked like capris.

Store #Are-we-done-yet: "Whoa, I can buy an iPod cheaper than this pair of jeans. Never mind."

I'm not sure exactly how many stores we entered. The total was enough: enough for me to find a decent pair; enough for him to appreciate the simplicity of male standardized pant sizes.

And that is why pants that no longer stay up without a belt is bad news.

Flashback to 1985

When I meet someone new, conversation frequently leads to questions regarding my occupation.
"So what type of work do you do?" Me? Oh, I work for a construction agency. "Interesting. So, are you actually building the buildings?" No, I'm the executive assistant for a small office. "Nice. That sounds fun."

Boring would be a better term. While applying to a few jobs recently, I struggle to pinpoint my exact duties. Not including time spent emailing, blogging, or answering the phone, just what do I do all day? See if you can figure it out. This is just one conversation I had lately with Jordan - the office temp/windshield.

Jordan: Charlotte, you look really nice today.
Charlotta: Aww, thanks.
J: mmmMPPPFTTT!
C: ...what?
J: Don't you know today is Opposite Day?
C: ...
C: Did you really just say that? That's so 5th grade.
J: I know. I loved Opposite Day when I was little.
C: Speaking of 5th grade, did you ever own a hyper color t-shirt?
J: A what?
C: Hyper color. You know - those shirts that changed color with the temperature.
J: Oh yeah! I had an off brand - not hyper color. It was florescent yellow or some other bright color.
C: That's it. *sigh...I always wanted one of those shirts.
J: What about slap bracelets. Remember those?
C: Oh yeah! I had a few...one was pink with black polka dots.
J: Did you have those socks that bunched up?
C: No. I know what you are talking about but I just scrunched my socks and pretended to be cool.
J: Did you tie your shirt in a knot at the bottom corner?
C: All the time. I had a banana clip that I wore in my hair too. I hope you didn't have one of those.
J: No. I did have a college football team jacket though. We lived in Florida at the time and it never got cold enough to really need it. I would sweat every time I wore that stupid jacket.
C: I didn't care about football enough to get a jacket but I do remember those shoelaces that curled at the end no matter how much you pulled. Remember those?
J: Totally! I also had loafers and actually put pennies in them.
C: I went the Keds route.
J: Did you watch Fraggle Rock?
C: (singing) Down in Fraggle Rock! I loved that show.
J: What about "Legends of the Hidden Temple?"
C: Was that the game show on Nickelodeon where the contestants had to navigate through the temple maze for tokens but the weird temple demons jumped out of particular rooms? If you didn't have a token, you lost?
J: That was it.
C: What about Finder's Keepers?
J: I don't remember that one. Did you ever watch GUTS?
C: I. Loved. That. Show!
J: I heard this guy bought a piece of the Agro Crag on eBay.
C: You can buy the Crag?!
J: Apparently. He paid $75 for it.
C: What would you do with a piece of Crag?
J: Put it on a bookshelf? I don't know.

Ring ring...

C: Oh, the phone is ringing. Back to work.

Ring ring...

That, my friends, is how I spend an average of 40 hours per week.

That's sad.

I know you are but what am I?

House Cleaning Tip #1

Q: When is the best time to clean behind the toilet?

A: Why, when it's away from the wall of course. And it looks like someone needs to get on that pronto! Gross.

Q: When is the best time to clean the back of the toilet?

A: Anytime the toilet is located in the middle of the bathroom.

Oh, and regarding the wall paper...don't stare at it too long. It's been known to cause eye strain. While I am currently taking an anatomy class, we aren't to the Eye chapter yet and I have no idea what one does to correct a stressed retina.

E is for effort...or my fuel level

School is for gaining knowledge - but not necessarily academia lessons only. For example, I learned that if, for some reason, you drive to work on E and park on a slope, come lunch time when you need to drive to a particular college to purchase books and get a student id before the office closes since this college is so small and the id office is only open two days a week, 4 hours at a time, the car probably won’t start...no matter how much you gun the engine.

And, although in the past when the driver was dumb enough to make the same mistake but solved it by coasting to a flat part of the parking lot, starting the car, then driving across the road to a gas station, today – since it’s her lucky day – there will be a car parked in the one spot she needs to coast through.

Then after trying, unsuccessfully, to locate the owner of the car and beg them to move, the driver – my friend…because this story obviously is not about me – will try her car again and it will start.

So, the moral of the story is this: ALWAYS PULL THROUGH TO THE FAR PARKING SPOT IN CASE YOU NEED TO COAST LATER.

The Second Mouse

Red Mojo over at Half a Bubble Off was nice enough to give me the "You Make My Day" award. Although she awarded me last week, I am just now getting around to picking it up. Procrastination? Nah, I prefer to think it's just my style of timing. The saying goes "The early bird gets the worm" but remember, the second mouse gets the cheese.

During my junior year of college, I was required to purchase a ZIP disc for a class. (Remember those?) I walked to the bookstore on a short class break to check availability. I found an entire shelf priced at $12 each. Although I had my checkbook with me, I couldn't bear to spend another dollar that day. It was the first week of school and I'd already spend several hundred dollars on books and supplies. The thought of dishing out another $12 just depressed me. I decided to wait until the following week to purchase the disc. I didn't have a job - this decision was not based on a paycheck. I just wanted to spread my spending out into another week and psychologically convince myself I was still in control of my quickly vanishing funds. As planned, I returned on Monday to dish out more money and found - to my utter excitement - that the discs were on sale for $7 each! Procrastination? Nope...perfect timing!

So Red Mojo, it wasn't that I was "procrastinating" or "not stopping by" - I was just waiting for perfect timing...which happened to be today. Thanks Red Mojo for Making My (fri)Day!

Now I get to award fellow bloggers that Make My Day. Here they are in no particular order:
Bone ~ the Jerry Seinfeld of bloggers. He usually writes about nothing but nothing is hilarious.
Kadi ~ how a mother of seven finds time to blog is beyond me. And she's funny? I'm there.
Ree ~ the rancher wife and mother of four that has me laughing on a daily basis.

I'm off to ...do something.

To Be or Not Too Be

Today is a wonderful day
For I am going away
Not to the circus, not to the pool,
Can’t you see I’m going to school!

Mama Mia used to sing that little poem to me when I was much younger as I prepared for the first day of class. The song helped calm any jitters or butterflies. I noticed I was humming that tune earlier this week while getting ready for my first day back to school. My goal is to attend graduate school in the fall – acceptance pending. While I wait, I’ve decided to knock out a few undergrad courses required in my particular area of study. The first class on the list is Anatomy and Physiology 191. Since I’m at the bottom of the Class-Credit Totem Pole, I got to register last. This left me with class in the middle of the day four times a week. My office has been generous with allowing me to take a two hour ‘lunch’ each day. Since I won’t be going home or out to eat anymore, I’ll be packing a lunch every day and snacking before class. I just have to remember to hold back on the spaghetti when we study the small and large intestines.

I chuckled to myself as the course syllabus was passed out. The department motto was in bold at the top: It’s never to late to be who you might have been. ~George Eliot Sure it’s a great quote but I couldn’t overlook the incorrect usage of the word to at the beginning. I just hope they grade my exams with the same level of scrutiny. Speaking of exams, I went to purchase the scantrons I’ll need from the bookstore. I have a total of 7 tests. The scantrons come in packages of 6. If any of you find a need for a scantrons, I have 5 extra.

Remember, it’s never to late too proofread.

007

I'm Love. Charlottalove. And I've been tagged by my chocoholic friend Beth at BooksEtc to share 7 random facts about me. Here they are, in no particular order.

001. My biggest fear is getting in a horrible accident. I have no idea why. I don't enjoy driving in larger cities as cars whizz and zip by. I do speed but not excessively. It seems to me though, that other drivers think they have a License To Kill or something. Scares me tremendously.

002. I was a senior in high school visiting my boyfriend after school. His little brother had borrowed a pencil from me. As I got in my car to leave, my beau's brother threw the pencil into the open car window...right into my eye. I immediately started crying. It wasn't so much a GoldenEye but definitely red!

003. The World Is Not Enough! I once wanted to travel to outer space. I wonder how long an intergalactic passport would take to process...

004. I love to bike. Despite flipping off my bike too many times to mention, I love the thrill of wind in my face. I have no idea why my injuries haven't discouraged me altogether. Seems I was just meant to Die Another Day.

005. I went to South Carolina last weekend to purchase fireworks for the New Year. While I was there I happened to step into a store where I happened to glance at some jewelry and happened to find a few pieces I couldn't live without. I'm a sucker for shiny silver. I'm not much of a Goldfinger...unless it's white gold.

006. I was carded on my 21st birthday in Nevada. I was on a road trip to California and since it was my birthday, my buddies decided we would make a quick stop to drop a few dollars. We found some hole-in-the-wall-wanna-be Casino Royale and I plunked a few coins. Before I had time to lose all my money, a security guard approached and asked for my ID. There were several of us on the road trip and my purse was in another vehicle - the one car we were waiting on. Since I couldn't prove my age, I was asked to leave.

007. I start back to school on Tuesday. I'm terrified but I know it's the first step to a fulfilling career. During a particular stressful day during undergrad, I exclaimed, "Once I get my bachelor's, I'm never going back to school!" Well, I've learned I'll Never Say Never Again.

Here's where I would take 7 others. If you want to participate, post a link to your blog in my comments.

Shh...this post is For Your Eyes Only...

During 2008, I Resolve to...

Okay, so last year's goal didn't happen. This year my goals will only involve me - which means I can't share the blame if I don't succeed. In 2008, I hope to:

• Travel to New York.
• Write my 200th blog post.
• Learn the ins and outs of my camera.
• Find a new job; one that is satisfying, self sustaining, and purposeful.
• Train and compete for my 2nd triathlon.

Here's to 2008! What are some of your goals?